Children’s Advocacy Centers, like Melody of Hope, are organizations that were created to minimize the trauma for child abuse victims. The Center is a safe and child friendly environment that provide services for children and families who have been affected by abuse. Child Advocacy Centers support the investigation, treatment, and prosecution of child abuse cases by utilizing a multi-disciplinary team approach.

Child Sexual Abuse is defined by Iowa State Code as "The commission of a sexual offense with or to a child because of the acts or omissions of the person responsible for the care of the child and who resides in the home of the child."  

Child Physical Abuse is defined by Iowa State Code as "any nonaccidental physical injury, or injury which is at variance with the history given of it, suffered by a child as the result of the acts or omissions of a person responsible for the care of the child."

Child Emotional Abuse is defined by Iowa State code as "any mental injury to a child’s intellectual or psychological capacity as evidenced by an observable and substantial impairment in the child’s ability to function within the child’s normal range of performance and behavior as the result of the acts or omissions of a person responsible for the care of the child, if the impairment is diagnosed and confirmed by a licensed physician or qualified mental health professional"

Denial of Critical Care (or Neglect / Failure to provide adequate supervision) is defined by Iowa State Code as "the failure of a person responsible for the care of the child to provide for the adequate food, shelter, clothing, medical or mental health treatment, supervision, or other care necessary for the child’s health and welfare when financially able to do so or when offered financial or other reasonable means to do so. Also included in this category of abuse is when an illegal drug is present in the child’s body as a direct and foreseeable consequence of the acts or omissions of the person responsible for the care of the child or the person caring for the child, in the presence of a child, unlawfully uses, possesses, manufactures, cultivates, or distributes a dangerous substance, or knowingly allows someone else to do this in the presence of the child.

Extreme change in behavior, including being withdrawn / more aggressive

Recurring nightmares

Disturbed sleep patterns

Regression in behaviors like bedwetting / thumb sucking

Torn / bloodied underwear

Vaginal / rectal bleeding, pain, itching or discharge

Unusual interest in / knowledge of sexual matters

Expressing affection in ways that are inappropriate for a child of that age

Fear of a person / an intense dislike of being left somewhere or with someone

Other behavioral signals may include disruptive behavior, withdrawal, running away, delinquent behavior, failure in school, depression or poor self-esteem. Adolescents may run away, commit crimes, abuse drugs and/or alcohol, engage in self-harm or become suicidal. It is important to note that many times children and adolescents display no symptoms. For this reason it is important to do whatever you can to prevent and educate your child about abuse.

Grooming is when a perpetrator builds a relationship involving trust and an emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.

Signs of grooming may include things like your child receiving unexplained gifts like new toys or clothes, not wanting to talk about where the gifts came from, talking a lot about a particular adult or older child, wanting to spend a lot of time with them, wanting to go alone when they meet a particular adult or older person, not wanting to talk about what they’ve been doing, not telling you about their day or asking for your advice, and spending more time alone in their room.

*Disclaimer: It is common to appreciate these grooming behavior signs and identify people who do some of these things, but that doesn’t automatically make them a perpetrator. The goal of talking and being informed about these grooming behaviors is to strengthen your education and awareness.

Perpetrators often manipulate children into keeping the abuse a secret. They sometimes downplay the defenses of children by explaining they were merely playing a "game". Abuse can begin with minimal or "accidental touches" and progress to more serious sexual activity. Perpetrators often create names for the child's and his/her own genitals to lessen the child's alarm at what is happening. This also misleads care providers who do not know the significance of a child using those terms. Children can feel helpless to disclose the abuse, due to the fact that the perpetrator has told them many reasons why they shouldn't tell.

Keep calm. Your child may sense the emotional stress and anger you may be feeling about what has happened to them. This may cause a child to feel responsible for upsetting you and may cause them to wish they had never disclosed.

Use comforting statements such as “I’m proud of you for telling” or “What happened to you wasn’t your fault”.

Listen to your child if they feel like talking, but do not let your desire to make sense of what has happened lead you into asking probing questions about details of the abuse. Sometimes if a child feels uncomfortable they won’t give details and may even say they “don’t remember” the incident.

Do not make any promises about what will happen to the offender or promise that the child will never have to see the offender again. It may not be true (e.g. court proceedings). Your child needs to trust your word. It is better to tell a child that you don’t know the answer to a question.

Your child needs to know that you believe them and will support them .  Children who have someone supporting them suffer fewer or long term effects than do children without help.  Your role as a parent is to support your child in recovery by providing reassurance, safety, and love.  Children need reassurance that they didn’t cause your anger, upset, and sadness.  Some children’s belief that they are the cause of everything may make this difficult for them to understand.

Additional things to say:

I believe you.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

I’m glad I know.

You will be taken care of.

I’m not sure what will happen next.

This has happened to other children: your age, younger and older, boys and girls.

Nothing about you made it happen.

I will do my best to protect you, now that I know.

You don’t need to take care of me.

I know it wasn’t your fault.

We will all get through this, just like we recover from illness or an accident, but it may take a long time.

I am upset, but not with you.

I’m angry with the person who did this

I’m sad. You may see me cry. That’s all right.

I will be able to take care of you.

I’m not mad at you.

Trauma focused therapy is an approach to therapy that recognizes and emphasizes understanding how the traumatic experience impacts your child's mental, behavioral, emotional, physical, and spiritual well -being. This type of therapy is rooted in understanding the connection between the trauma experience and your child's emotional and behavioral responses. The purpose of trauma focused therapy is to offer skills and strategies to assist your child in better understanding, coping with, and processing emotions and memories tied to their traumatic experience, with the end goal of enabling your child to create a healthier and more adaptive meaning of the experience that took place in their life.

Some common mental health issues that can result after a traumatic experience include; depression (Victims are 3-5 times more likely to suffer from depression), distorted body image and eating disorders, low self-esteem and poor social skills, poor development and immaturity, anger and hostility, and inability to trust.

Reassure your child they are not in trouble.

Try to keep your emotions in check.

Thank your child for telling you.

Children need to know they are not the reason for your anger, sadness, or disbelief.

Don't expect or tell your child to forget it.

Don't say, "it can't be", or, "I don't believe it".

Don't restrict your child's activities or movements more than necessary. For example., if you refuse to allow them to play in the yard, they may feel they are being punished.

If you suspect a child is being abused, please call the Iowa Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-362-2178.

National Children's Alliance - https://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org/

Iowa Chapter of Child Advocacy Centers - https://iowacacs.org/

National Child Traumatic Stress Network - https://www.nctsn.org/

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children - https://www.missingkids.org/home

Darkness to Light - https://www.d2l.org/

Iowa Crime Victims Compensation Program - https://www.iowaattorneygeneral.gov/for-crime-victims/crime-victim-compensation-program